i feel like such a grown-up these days. i get excited when the spices are on sale at vons. or when i see a cool piece of furniture. i watch rachel ray on a daily basis and try to glean from her cooking genius and wisdom. it works sometimes. i love the thrill of trying out that new recipe. i walk the aisles of vons as a sort of theraputical retreat after a long day of work. the checkers know me by now. i come home cook dinner, watch rachel ray and then go to bed at 10:30. my friends called me the viejito (the old little man). haha. sometimes i feel like it. the days of back-to-back nights on the town and late nights laughing and chatting are now far and few. i find myself already saying, “those were the days”. or “back in my college years.” even though back then is only a month ago. its nearness almost gives it a sense of far-ness. distance. and history. i longed to be done, finished. to move-on and get-out. i was itching to grow-up, to become a real live adult.

there is something strangely satisfying about living on my own, and cooking my own dinners, and paying my own bills. i find myself feeling a sense of pride and accomplishment. i am making it. and am happy. i like that. yet at the same time this life satisfies, i miss the security and consistency of home, of Westmont, of my family. i enjoyed those college years of playfulness and adventure, of sunburns and dance parties, of study groups and d.c. meals. and now all those times, those memories, seem so far-removed, so…historical, so never-more. those people aren’t with me any more. those venues of community and relationship are on the hill. those moments are not daily in the same ways they used to be.

things are different. and i like it. in fact, i find myself loving it. but i can’t help but miss the life that was. i guess that is normal. and warranted. i admit it. it is tough. but i suppose this is part of, um, growing-up. we have to face new challenges, develop new friendships, create new moments, and ways to live our lives well.

“tell me, what is it you are going to do with your one wild and precious life?” – mary oliver. well today, mary, i am going to reflect on years bygone and cook aunt lisa’s tortilla soup.

p.s. here are those promised photos from graduation.